I Didn’t Know Lisa Frank Made Pet Memorials

June 30, 2014 / Posted by:

Nearly three months ago, Miley Cyrus’s adorable dog Floyd was carried up to Heaven on a cloud of bong smoke after a no-good asshole coyote came for his ass, and it seemed like no amount of dirty skunk weed or pussy-squeezing snap-bottom bodysuits could cheer Miley up. Even when Mama Trish tried to dry her tears with a new puppy named Moonie, Miley told her to take it back because she didn’t feel right replacing Floyd.

But the dark cloud of coyote-scented sadness finally drifted away, because Miley says that Floyd has given his blessing for her to get a new dog. The glue-huffing Kelly Generic posted a picture of her new dog friend, Emu Coyne Cyrus, to Instagram, and claimed that Floyd took a break from sniffing dog butts in Heaven to tell her that he’s ok with her new dog friend. Then he went back to trying to hump God’s leg and nosing through the trashcan in Heaven’s bathroom.

Floyd claims he’s cool with Miley’s new dog, but we all know that ghosts are notoriously fickle, so to make sure Floyd doesn’t get jealous and come back to haunt her ass by leaving ghost dookies on the rug, she made a giant shrine in his honor. I didn’t know much about Floyd before, but if this shrine is saying anything, it’s that Floyd is sucking Snausages through a straw in Heaven after spending his time on Earth rolling hard on ecstasy at Doggie Raves and grinding all his teeth down to stubbins.

And speaking of dog poo, slimy wet prune juice turd Terry Richardson released a couple pictures of Miley and Moonie on his website today. Who the hell knows when these were taken, since Moonie was given a pink slip and escorted out of the building by security back in April, but I think I now know why Moonie didn’t stick around very long. Dogs can practically smell evil, so any dog that doesn’t attempt to maul Terry Richardson is clearly defective and needs to be sent back to the factory.

Pic: Instagram, Terry Richardson

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