Taylor Swift’s maybe stalker Orlando Bloom went for a walk on the beach in Malibu yesterday with hot piece of a man who’s giving me Fabio and Gandalf’s love child (the latter years) and whose flowing silver mane makes the angels weep. If you’re going to walk alongside an Adonis like that and don’t want him to suck all the attention away from you, you better bring the hotness too. And Orlando did it by wearing his shirt as a beach scarf, sweats that used to be a PR girl’s period pants circa 2002, pastel boxers and a dog chain that probably costs more than a soldier’s salary. Orlando really summoned the panty pudding by pulling his purple sweats down, so everyone could get a clear shot of his hot boxers and 90s belly tattoo (Side question: Is it possible to have a tramp stamp on the front instead?).
He looks like Adrien Brody’s yoga instructor, his nipples look a little cockeyed and yes, yes, yes, I would.