File Under “Not Surprising”: The Sexy Felon Is Trying To Launch A Post-Prison Modelling Career

June 28, 2014 / Posted by:

Jeremy Meeks, the sexy California criminal who crashed Meet-an-Inmate.com (I’m assuming) and single-handedly resurrected the lost art of hand-written prison pen-pal correspondence when his mug shot was released to the horny hoes of the internet this week, has decided that once his felonious ass has been sprung from the big house, he’s going to sashay-shante over to his parole officer and inform him he got a full-time job as a professional Zoolander. According to TMZ, several modelling agencies are interested in Jeremy. Blaze Models (which definitely doesn’t sound like a company who advertises in the ‘Casual Encounters’ section of Craigslist) tells TMZ that “gangster models” are so hot right now, and if they booked Jeremy a job with Versace or Armani, he could make up to $30,000 a month.

The only thing stopping Jeremy from serving up that FACE-BODY-FACE outside of a mug shot is the fact that his bail is set at $900,000, and so far his mama has only hustled $5,180 in online donations. People were literally foaming at the no-nos a week ago and bursting into spontaneous orgasms just by imagining dry-humping on Jeremy’s stick-poke teardrop tattoo, but horny bitches are a fickle bunch, and we’ve all lost interest. Probably because all it took was a cold shower to realize that Jeremy Meeks actually looks like a busted Riff Raff.

Jeremy will be modelling Jazzy Scooters by the time he’s released from prison, but that delusional dreamboat has requested that he be allowed to ditch his shackles and trade his prison-issued jumpsuit for some custom-fitted civilian clothing, so he can look like a hot model when he goes to court. Cellblock bitch PLEASE! A real model would turn out that orange jumpsuit like it was some Marc Jacobs Haute Correctional Facility Couture. Werk it hunty! Sell that itchy standard issue polyester!

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