Miss Delaware Got Her Crown Snatched Away For Being Too Old
How DARE they take back the crown from someone who can execute such flawless Celine Dion arms?!? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!! On June 14th, 24-year-old Amanda Longacre was crowned Miss Delaware, but she wasn’t destined to dela-wear the crown (I’ll show myself out for that one) for very long. According to the NY Daily News, Amanda went from crying beautiful shimmering tears of a winner to hideous ugly saline discharge of a loser when the birthday-hating bitches at Miss America discovered that she’s too old to compete in the 2014 Miss America pageant.
According to pageant rules, women must be between the ages of 17 and 24 at the time of competition. Amanda is 24 now, but she turns 25 in October. Amanda (she really seems more like a Mandy to me, but whatever) knew shit might get shady with the judging committee, so she checked to make sure she wasn’t going to get disqualified for being a Sanka-drinking oldie. Once she was given the thumbs-up, she joined the rest of the girls to practice their group dance routine to “Conga”.
Unfortunately, no one at the Miss Delaware pageant thought to pick up the phone and double-check with their malevolent overlord Miss America. The shot-callers at Miss America took one look at Amanda’s birth certificate and told her to trade in her crown for a Hoveround and an AARP membership, because she was TOO OLD to strut her stuff in a swimsuit and pumps. Amanda says that along with being disqualified from Miss America, they’ve also made her give back the 9,000 scholarship, and gave the crown to her younger runner-up, Brittany Lewis.
I know beauty pageants are all sorts of shady, but damn if something in the teeth-Vaseline doesn’t seem clean. Everybody in Delaware told Amanda she was a-ok to wave and smile and sing Melissa Manchester and wish for World Peace, and now the second she got the crown, Miss America hisses that she’s too old? RUDE! Like that old geezer should talk; Miss America was born in 1921! Bitch is just jealous nobody wants to see her wrinkly 93-year-old ass sashay down the runway in a swimsuit and pumps!
Pic: The Cape Gazette