Hot Slut Of The Day!

June 27, 2014 / Posted by:

Sharkleberry Fin Kool-Aid!

While browsing the gourmet beverage section (aka the powdered drinks section) of my local fine foods emporium (aka Target), I came across an old diabetes-inducing, strawberry-orange-and-banana flavored friend from the 80s who I knew was back, but I didn’t believe it until I saw it with my own eyeballs. Sharkleberry Fin was the IT Kool-Aid of the 80s and I hate myself a little more today for typing the words “IT Kool-Aid of the 80s.” All the kids I knew mainlined that stuff with a bag of sugar and if any of them ever got diabetes, their doctor probably said to them, “It’s because you mainlined Sharkleberry Fin day and night, right?

Kraft pushed out Sharkleberry Fin in the 80s with a bunch of non-boring flavors like Great Bluedini, Purplesaurus Rex, Pink Swimmingo and Rock-A-Dile Red. Kraft eventually took them all away sometime in the 90s, because in the 90s, we couldn’t have nice things. But years later, Sharkleberry Fin addicts demanded for its return. So Kraft re-released Sharkleberry Fin along with some of those other flavors and all was well in the world again, or is it?

I have to drop a hot pink shit on Kraft for the serious act of wrong they committed. They changed the cover of Sharkleberry Fin! On the left is the original package and on the right is the new one. A hot pink shark wearing wayfarers attached to a sunglasses leash is a classic image and should not be screwed with. Why mess with perfection? They replaced a hot pink (and possibly coked-up, it was the 80s after all) shark with a basic bitch shark wearing ugly sunglasses and a creepy grin. The new Sharkleberry Fin shark looks like a predator in more ways than one. The new Sharkleberry Shark looks like it tries to touch guppies and jacks off on moray eels while taking their picture. I can’t trust that new bitch and I will never trust that new bitch. The new package should read: Sharkleberry Fin, Now Pre-Roofied!

Where’s the petition to get Kraft to bring back the hot pink Sharkleberry Fin shark? It’s even more perfect in motion:

YES to Sharkleberry Fin being back in our stomachs, but NO to the Terry Richardson of Kool-Aid sharks.

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