It seems like you’re not truly a Kardashian unless you’re battling some kind of addiction. Kim Kardashian is addicted to pumping her narcoleptic face full of Botox until she looks like a melted clown. Khloe Kardashian is addicted to snacking on the tasty woodland creatures that get tangled up in her fur. Pimp Mama Kris is addicted to sucking off Satan’s personal demons to keep her crotch ghouls relevant. And now TMZ says that Rob Kardashian is addicted to drinking cough syrup and smoking weed.
A source close to Rob (“Everything is close to Rob” – my one and only fat joke) claims that all the Kardashian trolls are really worried Rob might have a major drug problem after seeing recent pictures of him smoking weed and drinking sizzurp and generally looking like a fucking mess. TMS says they’re urging The Sock One to check his ass into rehab, even going so far as to call places themselves (LOL – like any of those dumb kunts are smart enough to use a phone) but Rob is refusing to go. They’re hoping that these pictures of Rob hitting Level 6 on the Lamar Scale will be enough to change his mind, pack up his favorite socks, and dry out.
When asked to comment on her son, a choked-up Pimp Mama Kris said: “I just don’t know what to do about my Rob. I’ve tried everything, I really have! But I just can’t seem to make any money off of him. I pride myself on being a ruthless pimp who can make a dollar off even the most useless of my children. I mean, look at Khloe! I’m a goddamn miracle worker! But for whatever reason, nobody wants Rob. It breaks my heart that I can’t whore him out for top dollar…I mean…uh…I’m so sad he’s hooked on sizzurp?”
And damn, I can’t believe I’m about to agree with those evil Kardashian Kows, but when it looks like you’re getting high in the Montgomery Flea Market…