Everybody But Whoopi Got Fired From The View

June 26, 2014 / Posted by:

ABC has finally come to the realization that the cast of The View has the cumulative IQ of a half-digested ass corn and nobody wants to see a bunch of twat bubbles talk about current events (“I do, which is why I’m reading Dlisted right now” – you “Good point” – me). TMZ and TVLine say that there was a pink slip party at ABC today and Sherri Shepherd and Jenny McCarthy both got one (as expected), and longtime executive producer Bill Geddie is next. Since Barbara Walters has retired and is spending her days with her true love, her vibrator, Whoopi Goldberg is the only hysterical hen left in the pen and I hope it stays that way, because I’d really love it if next season was nothing but a stoned Whoopi defending all the assholes while dressed like a butch lesbian pilgrim.

2014 hasn’t been Sherri’s year. Her marriage died like her one working brain cell when she thinks about evolution, she’s fighting her husband for custody of their unborn baby and now trick is out of a job. Sherri confirmed to Deadline that The View has lost its resident science expert.

“It’s been seven wonderful years on The View and after careful consideration it is time for me to move on. I am extremely grateful to Barbara Walters and Bill Gedde for giving me the opportunity. I look forward to the business opportunities that lay ahead for me and I am incredibly grateful to my View family and my fans for supporting me on this journey.”

A source (aka Sherri) tells UsWeekly that the producers were trying to get Sherri to stay, but they couldn’t come to an agreement about money. Yeah, Sherri probably wanted 1 trillion dollars and ABC wanted to pay her a half-penny a day since that’s what her thoughts are worth.

Jenny hasn’t shat up a statement yet, but I’m sure she’ll say that it was her decision to leave The View, because she wants to spend more time fucking Donnie Wahlberg, hanging out with her ex-autistic son and she wants to devote more time to her real passion: bringing up the number on JennyMcCarthyBodyCount.com by telling everyone to stay away from vaccines.

TMZ says that ABC is thinking of adding dudes to the table next season and they’re talking to Ross Matthews and Jesse Palmer from the fifth season of The Bachelor. In other words, the executives at ABC pass around a crack pipe during their meetings about casting decisions for The View. Why doesn’t ABC just cast Grumpy Cat, Maru, Lil Bub and Boo and film them sniffing each other’s asses for an hour? I’d DVR it.

UPDATE: Jenny twatted that she’s following Sherri out the exit door.

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