Afternoon Crumbs

NBC has apparently offered the butt of Britain Pippa Middleton a correspondent job on Today. I don’t think NBC thought this through. Do they realize how many class action lawsuits they’ll get hit with from viewers who suffer heart attacks while watching Today? I mean, the OMGexciting personalities of Savannah Guthrie, Carson Daly, Jenna Bush Hager AND Pippa Middleton all on the same show? I don’t think humans are built to handle that much excitement – ICYDK

The trailer for Fury is out and Brad Pitt plays a character named Wardaddy, but they really should call him Warbaggy, because those Hefty bags under his eyes could fit he entire child army and all their toys – Lainey Gossip

LeAnn Rimes really wants a baby in her Falkor womb and Eddie Cibrian wants her to get a dog instead. That’s really confident of Eddie, because you’d think he’d want to be the only bitch in LeAnn’s life – Celebitchy

“Huh, what is that thing lifting us up, we’ve never felt that before, I’m scared, WHAT IS THIS?” – Brit Brit’s Cheetos tits when she put them in a bra – Drunken Stepfather

Are we sure that’s not Carrot Top with his hair straightened? – The Superficial

But when is Million Dollar Listing LA going to make Josh Flagg’s hot grandma a full-time cast member? – Reality Tea

Luke Grimes reportedly quit True Blood because he didn’t want to do gay stuff with Lafayette. Wait, his ass didn’t want to do gay stuff with one of True Blood’s best characters? Blacklist from Hollywood and the world! – Towleroad

When Lea Michele’s butt is in a bikini and gets wet, this is what it looks like – Hollywood Tuna

RiRi gave her nipples the day off and did herself up in “modest” wear for Harper’s Bazaar Arabia – Jezebel

Two things: Where’s this Congressional Chief of Staff dick pic that a porn star tweeted out and that porn star looks like she’s visiting from the 70s – WWTDD

Something to warm the mound of death beef you call a heart: a sweet father and daughter dance – The Berry

Wonky McVatrex giving you 99 Cent Store brand Sex Slave Barbie – Popsugar

Gwen Stefani IS vato chic – Popoholic

Methinks Mad Max’s codpiece is circumcised – Boy Culture

A pussy gives Marky Mark its official review of the new Transformers movie – SOW

Vintage Brad Pitt (and Pringles are involved) – HuffPo

Doogie Howser isn’t a vagina virgin – Pajiba

Samantha Micelli is still really knocked up – Just Jared