If watching toilet paper commercials gives you the urge to go pee, then I strongly suggest you take a break and empty your bladder before pressing play on the first trailer for The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1, otherwise you might find yourself in the middle of a Fergie-Ferg moment. I know it’s supposed to get me all amped up to see another 2 hours of Jennifer Lawrence shooting arrows at shit in depressing future times, but all the trailer does is make me want to go to the bathroom.
I know it’s supposed to be Donald Sutherland’s office or castle in Panem or whatever (can you tell I’ve never watched The Hunger Games?) but it feels like they filmed the whole thing inside a fancy future Restoration Hardware catalogue. And I’m told this is supposed to be a propaganda commercial, but it still feels like Donald Sutherland is auditioning to replace those butthole-obsessed Charmin bears. I can practically feel the quilted cottony softness of his coat soothing my no-no after eating an entire bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.
This is a new trailer, but it’s giving me deja-vu for some reason. Let’s see…stark white room…a delusional megalomaniac with a god complex…a silent twink with a vacant look on his face. Oh right! The Scientology Christmas card.
And how much do you want to bet that immediately after watching this all-white Hunger Games trailer, the search history on Lindsay Lohan’s laptop started filling up results for “Panem” + “Magical city make of coke??” + “Direct flights”.