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June 25, 2014 / Posted by:

The house from the 1980s Nickelodeon game show Finders Keepers!

Kids game shows in the 1980s were all about sending brats through elaborate obstacle courses that were probably not-so-well-built death traps (see: Fun House and Legends of the Hidden Temple) and the Nickelodeon turned syndicated game show Finders Keepers falls right into that category. Finders Keepers started on Nickelodeon in 1987 and it moved into syndication a year later where it ran until its death in 1989. During its 260 episodes, Finders Keepers had two hosts, Wesley ¬†Eure and Larry Toffler, and I don’t remember any of their faces. The first round of Finders Keepers is what inspired the makers of Ambien to make Ambien. They barely stayed awake through the first round of Finders Keepers and said, “Hey, we should put that in pill form.” The first round was boring, because the kids didn’t get to go into the giant dollhouse. In the second round, the host would yell clues at the kids and the kids would run around the house looking for the object that matched the clue. They looked like strung out crackheads who broke into their grandma’s house and were furiously looking for money and shit to pawn off before she got home from BINGO.

The Finders Keepers house was a mess. It looked like a hoarders house. If there were burnt out pieces of foil and stolen Balenciega leather jackets strewn on the floor, it would look just like Lindsay Lohan’s den of delusion. Because it was a Nickelodeon show and no Nickelodeon show in the 80s was complete without shit flying at kids, hidden in the Finders Keepers house were stage hands who’d pop out of places and spray kids with whipped cream and slime. I know, grown ups hiding in houses and spraying kids with whipped cream. Chris Hansen just got an idea for To Catch A Predator: The Game Show!

Finders Keepers maybe wasn’t the greatest or most memorable kids game show of the 80s, but the Finders Keepers house still boggled my young gay mind. I was really into Broadway and THEE-AH-TUR! when I was a kid, so I’d look at the Finders Keepers house on that soundstage and think to myself, “That must be what Broadway looks like!”

Here’s a full episode of Finders Keepers and no, you don’t have anything more productive to do than to watch a Nickelodeon kids game show from the 80s.

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