Noah Cyrus Is Miley’s Pussy Police

June 24, 2014 / Posted by:

14-year-old Noah Cyrus has taken a little break from working the pole and has gotten herself a job on her big sister’s tour. During an interview on Australia’s 2Day FM, one of the show’s hosts Sophie Monk asked Miley Cyrus’ Astro Boy with a peroxide job-looking ass if she waxes her twat area since she wears leotards that pretty much expose all of her tortured, hairless, albino beaver. Miley could’ve just said that she keeps her bits smooth by smearing green tomato puree on her crotch before letting her pappy’s pet baby possum chew the hairs off, but nope. Instead, Miley had to take us there by saying that her little sister Noah is the Pussy Police and stares at her snatch zone to make sure none of her pork rinds are popping out. Thank you for that visual, Miley. Chris Hansen, I left the door open for you. via E! 

“My sister—what channel are we on right now, so I can’t say ‘pussy,’” Miley initially stopped herself. But after Sophie informed her that she could use the p-word, even saying it herself for good measure, Miley then revealsed that 14-year-old Noah Cyrus is her “pussy police.”

“She makes sure that, you know, everything is staying intact,” the singer explained.

The Pussy Police Force should immediately take away Noah’s Pussy Police badge and put her on unpaid leave, because she is not doing her job. What kind of Pussy Police Officer presses the ignore button when they look at Miley’s crotch and see its mangled and strangled pussy lips use all of its energy to say, “Ayúdame.” (Yes, in my mind, Miley’s pussy is Mexican.) Officer Noah probably sees that all the time and does nothing! Any respectable Pussy Police Officer would immediately throw Miley on Death Row for regularly strangling her pussy with leotards. Noah is being bought. How shameful. Whatever happened to taking the Pussy Police Oath seriously?

And somewhere in his basement, Billy Ray Cyrus is weeping hillbilly tears into Taco Bell wrappers and wondering why he’s not on the Pussy Police Force.

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