I was going to say that Megan Fox is GOOP-ing at the mouth, but then I remembered that Megan Fox has been making our brain cells curl by spewing out cold, stupid bullshit for years. So if anything, Goopy Paltrow is FOX-ing at the mouth. Glad we could clear that up.
So, Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green recently paid $3.35 million for Bing Crosby’s carriage house in Toluca Lake, CA and that money came from all the millions upon millions of dollar she makes for lazily saying pre-written lines in front of a camera and giving off the emotion of a discarded, drenched flip flop lying in a gutter during a rainstorm. But Megan tells Parents Magazine that she’s really not into getting overpaid for a job she’s shitty at anymore. Megan would much rather be at her home with her son, but since David Silver’s Beverly Hills 90210 and Kickboxer 2 residual checks aren’t paying the bills, she has to “work” for her kid’s future. It’s really, really hard for the frozen mannequin since her heart isn’t in her work anymore. I know, Megan Fox’s heart isn’t in acting? We all thought Megan Fox was so into acting that she’d rip her own throat out with her nails if someone told her she could no longer recite the words of Shakespeare on the stage again. Megan Fox really fooled us (and Mickey Rourke). She really is the greatest actress of our time.
Here’s Megan woe-ing about working 3 weeks a year:
The main thing it does is it affects how much I’m willing to work. I’ve never been an extraordinarily ambitious girl or career-oriented, but especially once I got pregnant with my first son and now [having] my second, it’s so hard to be a working mom especially when your heart is not in your work, when your heart is with your family. I have to make one movie a year because I have to invest in their future and I have to be able to pay their way through college and be able to provide for them. I’m looking for movies that will shoot in Los Angeles, for projects where I’m part of an ensemble so I can shoot in and out in 10-20 days. It’s all about trying to spend as little time away from my kids as possible.
My single working mother feels Megan Fox. She wanted to work only a week or two a year and spend the rest of the time with us. But then she thought about it and realized that “cuddling under a freeway overpass to stay warm, “diving in Jack In The Box dumpsters for breakfast,” and “knife fighting hobos for a half-eaten burrito” isn’t exactly the best kind of mother/children bonding.
And I bet when Megan told David Silver that she wants to stay at home with their sons and wants to cut back on work, he dropped the video game controller for the first time that day, put his fingers in his ears and shouted, “I’m not listening! Lalalalalalalalalalala!“