Hot Slut Of The Day!

June 22, 2014 / Posted by:

THIS OWL! (And Colton the Owl Whisperer Screamer gets HSOTD runner-up because his live commentary is the center of my Tootsie Pop.)

When Colton Wright came home the other night, he found Hedwig’s American cousin chilling out in his kitchen. Colton poked at Mr. Owl to see if Mr. Owl was okay and when that owl came alive and started flying around, bitch screeched like John Travolta when he walks into Kelly Preston’s bathroom to borrow her Epilady to pluck his ass hairs with and catches her fully naked. After the owl scared Colton into old age and back again, he pulled his nerves together and came up with a plan to return Mr. Owl to the wild. Colton got a Swiffer, got Mr. Owl to hop on that Swiffer and gently guided to the owl back into its owl world while they had a vicious stare down.. Nobody can stare down a bitch the way Mr. Owl can. Mr. Owl could win against an open-eyed corpse in a round of the blink game. Mr. Owl’s death stare froze all the edges of my soul.

Mr. Owl’s journey out of Colton’s kitchen is intense and I think I burst a vessel in my ass lips from clenching so hard. I can’t lie, I wanted Mr. ¬†Owl to flinch at Colton so Colton’s heart would jump up his throat, shoot out of his mouth and throw itself out of that window. Colton’s “evict Mr. Owl” mission ends successfully when he dumps that owl out into the night and screams out a victorious “FUCK YES.” Colton shouldn’t start popping the Andre and setting off the glitter canons just yet, because I have a feeling that Mr. Owl will be back and will get revenge, because bitch does not appreciate getting Swiffer’d out a damn window like it’s a dust ball. Mr. Owl will terrify Colton again!

And here’s the first few seconds of Colton and Mr. Owl’s first meeting:

Colton, girl, get it together! If I caught an owl hanging out in my kitchen. I’d toke up with it, share a bowl of Tootsie Rolls with it and then we’d watch Labyrinth together, because you know that Labyrinth owl is the star of every owl’s fap dreams.

via HuffPo

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