Orlando Bloom Must Really Want Taylor Swift To Write A Song About Him

Mercury must really be in retrograde in a serious way, because The National Enquirer (via Defamer and Celebitchy) says that for the first time in history, come-to-life Laura Ashley bedspread Taylor Swift is not stalking a dude and showing up to his house in the middle of the night in a wedding dress while carrying her two cats dressed as her bridesmaids. Shit has been switched up. The Enquirer (I know, I know) says that Orlando Bloom is the one doing the chasing and he’s trying hard to get Taylor of Sunnybrook Farms to go out with him. Orlando Bloom must think that he’s at the stage of his career where he really wants the tabloids to write about how he’s gay, because dating Taylor Swift is the easiest and quickest way to bring that on. The Enquirer’s source said this:

“Orlando has been bombarding Taylor with text messages and phone calls, begging her for a date. But she’s been playing hard to get. She’s flattered because she thinks Orlando is so sexy and, in normal circumstances, she would leap at the chance.”

Taylor hasn’t immediately wrapped her Easy Bake Oven around Orlando, because she’s friends with his ex-piece Miranda Kerr, and Selena Gomez, who is back on the Biebs, at one point wanted to be the next Kewpie-faced brown-headed doll in Whorelando’s life.

“But Taylor is concerned that dating Orlando would destroy her friendships with Selena Gomez and Miranda Kerr, and is worried about being involved in a rebound romance.
Ohh. She’s looking for a serious relationship. She doesn’t want to be just another notch on his belt. Taylor knows that Selena is nuts about Orlando and wants to have a real relationship with him. Yet all he seems to want to do is ask her about Taylor!”

There’s also a big development in this BREAKING NEWS story. The New York Post says that Orlando just bought a $4.8 million loft in Taylor’s building in Tribeca.

Taylor Swift looks like something that came from the mind of Marie Osmond and that’s definitely Orlando’s type, but I don’t think he’s trying to get into her heart-shaped strawberry tart. It’s really obviously that Orlando is burning up Taylor’s baby pink iPhone and moving into her building to get closer to her pussy.

Do you blame him? Actually, I kind of do, because that adorable kitten looks like a tiny alien who put on an adorable kitten costume to get closer to the humans and learn our secrets before the eventual alien takeover.

Here’s Taylor in NYC today looking the snobbiest daughter of a Republican senator from Georgia.

Pics: Splash