Every morning when Kanye Kardashian wakes up, he carefully slips out of bed (so as not to wake Riccardo), tiptoes past the Botox-filled isolation tank where Kim Kardashian is held in a perpetual state of frozen slumber, and makes his way outside to kneel before his Anger Shrine and rage pray to the CAPS LOCK GODS above to bless him with an excuse to throw bitchy shade at one of his enemies that day. After many days of prayer, the clouds opened up yesterday morning and an angry voice shouted “THY WILL IS DONE! I PRESENT UNTO YOU A RADIO INTERVIEW, MY SON! NOW GO AND BE A DELUSIONAL ASSHOLE UNTO THEE.”
Sensing that he may not get another opportunity to publicly burp out his deluded thoughts before Pimp Mama Kris ships him off the next photo shoot disguised as a honeymoon, Kanye used his appearance on Power 106FM on Thursday to really go full-Kanye. According to The Daily Mail, Kanye began by opening his Burn Book to the page with an 8×10 glossy of President Obama and hissing:
“You can’t effect change from inside the White House like that. You gotta have the money. Good ideas usually aren’t connected to money as much. Creativity and extreme genius are extremely cheap.”
The only way I can make any sense out of what Kanye said is if I took that last sentence and replaced the words “creativity” and “extreme genius” with “all the Kardashian hookers”. I seriously have no idea what he’s trying to say; the meth head who sat beside me on the bus rambling on about something called “carpet corn” for 20 minutes made more goddamn sense. But it doesn’t matter what Kanye said, according to Kanye, because he’s ON A MISSION FROM GOD:
“Don’t worry about how I’m saying what I’m saying. Look at what I’m saying and how I feel and how my intent is. You do not want to go against the power. I’m working on one mission, and that’s a mission from God.”
Excuse you bitch, but you are neither Jake nor Elwood Blues, so please take several seats with that “mission from God” bullshit. The only mission Kanye is on is a mission from PMK to stay married to her narcoleptic hooker daughter for at least 73 days.
Here’s more of Kanye at the Miami airport today on a mission to find out who this “North West” person is who keeps leaving voicemails on his phone: