Hot Slut Of The Day!
As all of you already know, everyone is creaming from their coochies, b-holes, mouths, ear holes, eyes and orifices they didn’t know existed on their body over that mug shot of the sexiest criminal with the tear drop tattoo in Stockton, CA. You’re probably not reading this since you sold your laptop and emptied out your 401k to bail out the Apollo to your Phaedra Parks. Whores are losing their minds over his panty-tearing steel blue eyes, his vagina prolapse-inducing smolder and that razor sharp jawline that will cut your thighs while you read his face into the sunset. He will steal your heart, your car, your credit cards, your TV, your social security number and you won’t give a damn. The government announced that it is dropping giant care packages full of Pedialyte all over the country, because the thirst is that real.
Anyway, I was talking to one of my friends on Facebook about this GQ motherfucker of the penitentiary and she told me that she needs to buy an economy-sized box of Q-Tips for all the ladies in her offices, because they were all in serious heat and getting messy over the hands down winner of Cell Block C’s Next Top Model. During our conversation about everyone’s criminal boo, she said that she’d smuggle in some night cream in her coochie for him to keep his beautiful face skin silky smooth in prison and that she’d even let him drive her car even though she’d probably never see him or it again. MESSY! But then she had to do it. She had to bring Monifah into this. Bitch said that his picture makes her want to take off all her clothes and dance to “Touch It” in front of her mirrored closet door.
You know a dude is truly driving whores crazy when he makes them think of one-hit 90s wonder MONIFAH!