Open Post: Hosted By The New King And Queen Of Spain

June 19, 2014 / Posted by:

Believe it or not, but royals other than the Windows and the Knowles-Carters exist on this planet. The Spanish have their own royal family to make fun of and today, 76-year-old King Juan Carlos officially gave up the crown, because he’d like to spend the last years of his life doing blow off of strippers and posing next to dead elephants. No, I don’t know why King Juan Carlos abdicated the throne, but he did and in an extra stuffy, ridiculous ceremony today, his only son Felipe became the King of Spain. King Felipe put on a royal outfit that he borrowed from Disney’s costume closet and along with his wife Letizia Ortiz Rocasolano, he greeted his loyal subjects from a balcony. That’s nice and everything, but really, I can see that kind of royal display at Disneyland. What I want to know is, where are the pictures of the most important gorgeous Spanish royal of all time? Where are the pictures of the Duchess of Alba?!

I went through trillions and trillions of pictures of King Felipe and Queen Letizia looking like the perfect Disney prince and princess and not once did I see a picture of the Duchess of Alba. I went through five hundred pictures, passed out from the boringness of it all, woke up, went through five thousand more and still nothing. Where are the pictures of the klingon dandelion star flower of my dreams?!

Prince Felipe probably left the Duchess of Alba off the guest list on purpose, because he’s the king, he knows things and he knows that her beauty, charisma, glamour, grace and poise would upstage him at his own ceremony. The people would stage a revolt and demand that she be their queen instead of him being their king. I get it. Never invite the most popular and gorgeous girl to your party, because she will steal your shine. Whatever, I’m sure Duchess of Alba had better things to do like get day drunk at a dive bar in Barcelona and dirty dance on the tables to Elvis Crespo songs.

Pics: Splash

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