We’re only ten days into the divorce of Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas, and already things are getting Lifetime-levels of dramatic. TMZ says that we’re not too far away from watching the courtroom scene of ‘Not Without My Dogger: The Melanie Griffith Story’, because the exquisite sun-kissed half-melted collagen candle plans to pull her best Tess McGill suit out of storage and fight for the custody of her and Antonio’s three dogs. “Aww, but I wanted to go with the Nasonex Bee” – that dog’s face.
Regardless of when the papers are filed, a divorce between two Hollywood types isn’t official until it turns trashy and they start publicly fighting over shit. Sadly, Melanie and Antonio’s daughter Stella turns 18 in September, so they can’t really fight over her. Thank goodness they have dogs! I was afraid they’d be forced into a messy custody battle for the most important asset accumulated during the course of their marriage: the Antonio tattoo. Watching Melanie and Antonio fight over the future Shroud of Turin on Melanie’s shoulder would have the intensity of 10 Kramer vs. Kramers.
A source (one of the dogs after receiving a Costco-sized bag of Beggin’ Strips from Melanie) tells TMZ that Melanie is the better dog owner and that her fur babies mean the world to her. Personally, I don’t think we need to bring in Judge Toler to decide the fate of Melanie and Antonio’s dogs, because it’s obvious they should stay with Melanie. Any dog that is constantly tempted by Melanie’s glistening canned vienna sausage lips and doesn’t hungrily lunge at them shows they have the utmost respect for their pack leader. Not to mention that Antonio seems like he’s really more of a pussy person.