If only Bob Barker reminded everyone to have their pets AND their douchebags spayed or neutered….
Michael Lohan and Kate Major shouldn’t be allowed to take care of a dead hemorrhoid burnt off of a hyena’s ass let alone be allowed to take care of an actual human being, but because we live in a country where involuntarily sterilization is illegal for some strange reason, they have made another baby together. Michael Lohan has sole custody of their first child, 16-month-old son Landon, because Kate Major is currently locked up in the chokey in Florida. The broke down gutter version of Tara Reid was sentenced to 8 months in prison after she violated probation in March by drunkenly crashing her car into some bushes following a messy fight with Michael Lohan. And before Kate became Orange is the New Black’s newest cast member, she bareback boned Michael Lohan and made another future ward of the state with him.
Gossip Extra (via Radar) reports that Kate still has 7 more months to serve, but her attorney Michelle Suskauer filed a motion asking the judge to let her serve the rest of her sentence under house arrest at home. According to her lawyer, Kate’s pregnancy is high-risk. Kate is claiming that she’s 9 weeks knocked up and she’s not able to see her regular doctor. The judge who threw Kate in prison for 8 months will decide if she gets special treatment or not. But the judge might not be amused since she knew Kate had a fetus growing in her when she sent her to prison.
Michael Lohan confirms to Gossip Extra that Kate is pregnant with his 7th kid (or is it 8th? Or 10th? I’m losing track.)
Lindsay Lohan really did inherit her dad’s ability to make wonderful decisions. I mean, you’d think that Michael Lohan’s one brain cell would do him a favor by letting him know that maybe sticking it raw in a trick isn’t such a good idea, because there’s only so many stories about his piece of trash family he can sell to the tabloids to put a dent in all the child support he owes. You’d also think that maybe Kate Major’s one brain cell would do her a favor by letting her know that maybe letting Michael Lohan stick it in raw isn’t a good idea at all. Well, the good news for the unborn Lohan in Kate’s body is that if the judge doesn’t release her from prison and she has to give birth in there, it can escape to the janitor’s closet after slipping out of her poon and it can be raised by prison rats. So there’s that.
And at this point, there’s enough Lohans to rent a pretty big church basement to hold weekly meetings for their Traumatized Children of Michael Lohan support group.
Here’s Michael’s pride and thinking she’s St. Angie Jolie at the Oscars while trolling around London last night.