Kelly Clarkson Is A Mother Now

June 15, 2014 / Posted by:

And now there’s a human on Earth who will one day sit in the front row when From Justin To Kelly is inducted into AFI’s Great American Films of the early 2000s and say, “That was my mom!”

Kelly Clarkson and her husband of almost a year Brandon Blackstock, who kind of looks like a humanized Gummi Bear cartoon character, are parents to a brand new baby daughter. Last year, Kelly let it loudly be known that every night she prayed to the Gods to stick a fetus in her womb. Kelly got her wish, she had a shot gun wedding on a bridge and now she’s a mom. Kelly announced on her Twatter last night that she and Brandon Black Cock got themselves a daughter that they named River Rose. Somebody’s a Dr. Who fan….

Because I’m always think of body fluids, I saw the name “River Rose” and my first thought was that it sounds like something a romantic and poetic hippie would call her period. “Oh, my dandelions, I can’t go skinny dipping with you this afternoon. My river rose is here.

Kelly Clarkson would give her baby the most country and twee-est name ever. River Rose sounds like the name of a forest nymph turned country star who was discovered after someone heard her singing while cleaning her white cotton dresses on the rocks by the river. River Rose also sounds like the name of a cocktail that Cracker Barrel would serve if they served the sweet nectar. That’s probably what Kelly was going for.

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