In “Those Brits keeps stealing American jobs” news, the one man (besides Bendadick Cumsinbatches) who could bring down the Empire of Tumblr if he posted a dick pic on there has signed on to play country legend Hank Williams in a biopic called “I Saw The Light.” It’s a perfect title since that’s what every Hiddlestoner softly says to themselves when they see a picture of Tom Hiddleston smiling and are ready to give their body to the lord as a thank you for creating humanity’s greatest gift.
Deadline says that director, writer and producer Marc Abraham wrote the script based on the Hank Williams biography by Colin Escott and he will also direct. “I Saw The Light” starts shooting in Louisiana this October. Tom will do all of his own singing and will yodel out Hank’s songs including “Hey Good Lookin’,” Honky Tonk Blues,” “Your Cheatin’ Heart” and my personal favorite song to give afternoon lap dances to, “My Bucket’s Got A Hole In It.” “I Saw The Light” will show Hank’s rise to fame as a country star before dying at the age of 29.
Tom confirmed the news on Twatter yesterday:
I Saw The Light. pic.twitter.com/LBSiP5tBVb
— Tom Hiddleston (@twhiddleston) June 13, 2014
If I was a producer on that shit, I’d take a few artistic liberties to make sure it makes at least $1 trillion its opening weekend. I’d give “Hank Williams” a severe case of stage fright and every time he performed in front of an audience, he got the crotch sweats bad and it became a problem. The only way he could perform is by wearing crotch-less and ass-less chaps so his down low parts could breathe. I’d also give “Hank Williams” a major blanket phobia and to keep warm he had to cuddle with a pile of puppies. Where’s my producer credit? Where’s my studio parking lot space?
And if you want to hear Tom Hiddleston say “tits” and “nipples” in a Southern accent, here’s Tom Hiddleston saying “tits” and “nipples” in a Southern accent. It’s very Matthew McConaughey Lite.
Pic: Tumblr/Jason Hetherington