Us Weekly says that human urinary tract infection Robin Thicke has launched Phase II of his shameless stunt queen plot to woo Paula Patton back into his pussy-scented life by naming his upcoming album after his estranged wife. Robin’s rep (a talking tube of anti-fungal cream) has confirmed that his next album will be called Paula and will feature that “Get Her Back” song he’s been desperately hustling. The album will be released on July 1st, so you have plenty of time to decide whether to not buy it or not buy it.
I don’t want to make a lazy pun (“Oh yes you do” – my brain) but Robin is laying it on a little thick. We all know it’s only a matter of time until these two publicity whores reunite on the cover of People with the headline “IT WORKED! The “Get Her Back” singer GOT HER BACK!”, so he doesn’t have to try so hard. He’s going to burn himself out. I don’t know where he finds the time to think up new ways to declare his love for Paula; he already spends 22 hours a day fucking anything in a thong with a pulse and a set of clip-in blonde hair extensions.
Besides the title, not much else is known about Paula, but you don’t have to be Miss Cleo to predict that every track on that damn album will sound like the most obvious bullshit this side of a Britney Spears concert. The first single, “Get Her Back”, will be followed by “Sorry”, “My Love”, “Sorry My Love”, “Getting Back My Love”, “Get Her Back To Say Sorry”, and “I Love Her (the Get Her Back Skrillex remix)”, all of which will be performed live by Robin dressed up like Ned Flanders on Valentine’s Day” during a telethon hosted by Alan Thicke.