Pepaw Down! Han Solo Got Injured On The Set Of Star Wars: Episode VII

While shooting scenes for Star Wars: Episode VII (my Dorito-fried brain read that as “vee aye aye”) Harrison Ford’s ankle screamed out a dramatic Luke Skywalker-style NOOOOOOOO when a hydraulic door fell down on him at Pinewood studios in England. Variety says that on Wednesday, 71-year-old Harrison was airlifted to a local hospital after a door came for him during filming. He’s currently laid up with what they think might be a fractured ankle. No word on what caused the door to malfunction, but I have two theories:

THEORY #1
Harrison Ford’s silver hoop earring is actually a protective talisman, and he fought with J. J. Abrams to let him keep it in, explaining that he could play Han Solo as a hip, easy-going “cool dad”. He even re-wrote a couple of his lines to include a part where he offers an underage R2D2 a sip of his beer. Sadly, J. J. Abrams told him to take out the earring, and the second he did, a door fell on him. The silver hoop then jumped back into Harrison’s ear and airlifted him to the hospital.

THEORY #2
After being passed over for the role of Chewbacca, a furious Khloe Kardashian flew to England to get revenge by hiding out on the Star Wars and using her Wookiee-like super-strength to push the hydraulic door onto the actor playing Chewy. Unfortunately, she got distracted by a dick pic texted to her by Shrek Montana, and she dropped the door on the wrong actor. She quickly fled the scene, but police are urging citizens that if they see an angry spackle-covered creature with a basketball-sized piece of cheap foam padding stuffed into the ass of a pair of shredded jeans to call the authorities immediately.

But if neither of those work, we can always blame it on Jar Jar Binks.