Open Post: Hosted By Pitbull’s White Hot Shorty Pants

June 12, 2014 / Posted by:

It totally bothers me that these bitches didn’t coordinate their outfits. Shouldn’t Pitbull be wearing a yellow sparkly leotard and shiny pantyhose too? JLo probably took a wet fart on that idea, because she knew Pitbull’s ass in a sparkly leotard would take all the attention away from her big ass in a sparkly leotard.

The World Cup opening ceremony happened in São Paulo today and it’s what you would experience if you crawled into the mind of a panda after it dropped acid to watch a Cirque du Soleil performance. The whole thing was fucked up and it reached new levels of fucked up when JLo, Pitbull and Brazilian pop star Cláudia Leitte rose up out of a giant globe thing to perform the official World Cup song “We Are One (Ole Ola).” They need to become one with an ENT, because those hos obviously can’t hear how awful their song is. If someone asked you, “Would you rather listen to ‘We Are One’ or the sound of hyenas having loud violent butt sex,” consider the second option. Actually, show your ears a little love and take the second option, because “We Are One” is the sound of musical notes being stabbed repeatedly. The United Nations should declare this song a violation of human rights and demand that it be destroyed. It will melt your ear drums and the only good thing about this shitty performance was: PITBULL’S HOT ANKLES!

Pitbull came dressed as a cross between a grandpa in a flood and a MILF soccer mom who’s sexy and she knows it, because that’s the song that plays in her head when she struts to the bleachers while carrying a soft sided cooler full of Sunny D and her LeSportsac clutch.

Pitbull’s white hot, tight shorty pants saved the show! Pitbull was having a Chico’s kind of day and thank God for that.

Pics: Splash, AP, Pacific Coast News

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