I really hope that’s just an unfortunate shadow on Britney Spears’s thigh, because it’s too damn early to be catching a glimpse of Brit Brit’s uncooked ham n’ cheese Hot Pocket.
After swearing up and down on a stack of Cheetos that she’d be singing live during each and every one of her Piece of Me shows in Las Vegas, Britney’s manager Adam Leber (I think we found the secret identity of Captain Obvious) has admitted in an interview with Medium.com (via Radar) that the delicate decorative hand soap of Louisiana wasn’t exactly telling the troof and that she’s been lip synching all along. NO. FUCKING. DUH.
“To put on the show that she puts on, it’s virtually impossible to sing the entire time and do what she does. She’s singing on every song, basically, when she has the ability to sing. There’s no way you can dance for 90 minutes straight and sing the entire time.”
“When she has the ability to sing”, which is never, since the only vocal cord warm-up Britney does is when she tries to yell a complicated Frap order into the Starbucks drive-thru speaker without coughing up stale Marlboro Lights smoke. Not to mention how difficult it is to sing, let alone move, when you’re pilled to the gills like one of Siegfried & Roy’s sedated tigers. Forget lip synching, I’m honestly surprised Britney doesn’t do the whole show from a hammock.
Everybody knows that Brit Brit hasn’t yodelled live since 1998, but Adam Leber didn’t have to go and say it out loud. Believing that Britney will sing live is like believing in Santa Claus or wishing on a star. It’s like when a little kid tries to show you a magic trick and you pretend you’re surprised when they pull a quarter from behind your ear. It’s part of the magic to watch Brit Brit, full on cheese grits and No Doz, lumber around the stage, mouthing the words “watermelon cantaloupe” every so often to keep from falling asleep.