I hear your “Green is totally Prince Philip’s color!” jokes.
THIS BITCH. THIS GOAT.
No, that goat isn’t overflowing with smugness because it’s wearing an extra fancy, emerald green royal cape with an even fancier gold broach. It knows that cape is ugly and looks like a table runner bought at a Bombay Company outlet. No, that goat isn’t exuding potent smugness because it’s perfectly curled horns are dipped in sparkly silver paint. It knows gold is more its color. No, that goat isn’t smugging out of all of its pores because its goatee is more luxurious, soft and luscious than Duchess Kate’s Breck Girl mane. It has no reason to be smug since for years it has know its hair game shits on Duchess Kate’s hair game. It is farting and burping up massive amounts of smugness because Prince Hot Ginge is stroking it and giving it some love like it’s the only living thing in the world. Bitch is kicking away the jealous haters with its eyes. I guess there comes a time in every ho’s life when he or she feels jealousy toward a goat with silver-tipped horns.
At the 50th anniversary screening of Zulu in London yesterday, Prince Hot Ginge sashayed down the red carpet and he stopped everything to share a beautiful moment with that home wrecking ass smug goat (Yes that bitch is wrecking a home. It’s wrecking the invisible home I built with PHG in my mind.) After the goat and PHG bonded on the red carpet, they skipped the movie and got drunk on every kind of vodka together. We shouldn’t be surprised if in a few months we see a bunch of ginger goat babies wobbling around Buckingham Palace. Yes, I’ve thought about this way too much.