Because Nothing Is Sacred, Netflix Is Rebooting “The Magic School Bus”

June 11, 2014 / Posted by:

And so it begins! After taking a giant steaming dump on nearly everything we loved about the 80s, Hollywood has decided that it was time to stop scraping the bottom of the barrel (I’m looking in your direction, person who shamelessly signed off on Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked) and start remaking everything you loved from the 90s. I don’t know what feeling hurts worse: knowing that Hollywood is about to start shitting on my favorite shows from the 90s, or that I’ll never get a embarrassing SilverHawks reboot.

According to The New York Times, Netflix will reboot several popular television shows from the 90s, beginning with The Magic School Bus, the PBS cartoon about a teacher named Ms. Frizzle (voiced by Lily Tomlin) and her army of chirruns who learn about science by piling into a dark-sided school bus that can shrink down to the size of a turd and swim around inside a person’s colon (“What is the name of this school and how do you volunteer to be a substitute science teacher” – John Travolta). Sometime in 2016, Netflix will release The Magic School Bus 360°, which will now be computer animated, so prepare for some cheap-looking sphincters.

Already the show looks like a damn mess, starting with the early concept art for Ms. Frizzle and the bus. Ms. Frizzle used to look like if Bette Midler were an eccentric gayelle who was obsessed with planets; now she new looks like Amy Adams in American Hustle. I bet they change her name to Miss Frizzle (“There’s no Mr. Frizzle, if you know what I mean. Wink.”) And the only thing I can say about that busted bus is that it looks like it has an ass full of painful swollen hemorrhoids.

No word on whether Lily Tomlin will be back to voice Ms. Frizzle. But if her recent comments calling out “modern-day feminist” Beyoncé as a sex-hustling hoochie mama for the kindergarten crowd are any indication, I don’t know how excited she’ll be regarding this new, slutty-looking Ms. Frizzle.

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