At Sunday night’s show in Milan (“I love Italy! Pass the Beefaroni, y’all!”) Canary Yellow’s brake fluid-chugging country cuzzin Miley Cyrus spotted someone in the audience holding a cardboard cutout with the head of Selena Gomez and the body of a gingerbread Dr. Frank-N-Furter. So she did what anyone would do when their Google alerts have been a little lethargic; she picked up the toddler-faced cutout and hillbilly yodelled “FU” to it while giving it the finger.
TMZ has the grainy video of Miley serenading the Flat Stanley version of Selena (yes that was my second Flat Stanley joke of the day, and no I didn’t hire my eight-year-old neighbour to ghost write for me so I could finish watching OITNB) and she only sings with it for a moment before throwing it back into the audience. Some think that possum-brained tweaker snatched it during “FU” to send a shady message to Selena. Others say she was excited to see a prop she hadn’t yet rubbed her stank on. But let’s be honest, she probably took it because she thought it might have drugs.
Miley has a nose like a bloodhound; her sense of smell is so sharp, she can detect drugs from more than 20 feet away (the TSA actually tried to use her as an alternative to drug-sniffing dogs, but she got fired when she wouldn’t stop eating the drugs and humping people’s legs). She probably caught a whiff of the T3’s she keeps hidden in her coochie, spotted what she thought was Towelie’s girlfriend (aka her dealer), pulled her on stage so she could buy drugs, mouthed “Y’all cain’t arrest me if I’m in International Waters, y’all!” to security, realized she was holding a drawing on a pizza box, sniffed at the bikini for leftover Sharpie fumes, then tossed it back into the audience with a note that said “NEXT TIME HAVE DRUGS PLZ”.