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June 9, 2014 / Posted by:

Sting’s clap!

If you’re a high-class hooker whose doctor just told you that you’ve got that gonorrhoea and you landed on this post after Googling, “Sting gave me the clap,” this probably isn’t the information your ass was looking for. The Lord of the Musk, Sting, was at the Tonys last night to perform the title song his new Broadway musical The Last Ship (more like The Last Shit) and if you or one of your loved ones fell into a drooling coma last night, you or they probably got that way because you or they made the mistake of not taking a “piss and load up on the sweet nectar” break during Sting’s performance. Sting sang in an Irish accent (I think that was an Irish accent?) and incoherently drooled out a lukewarm stream of musical Ambien. A performance of Ozzy Osbourne singing “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” in Pig Latin after getting shot up with novocaine would’ve been more coherent and entertaining.

Before Sting really sold his new Broadway musical (Side note: If you’re looking for the perfect torturous gift to get the enemy in your life, get them tickets to The ┬áLast Shit), he gave me a shot of YES! when the camera panned to him clapping. In the Vine above, Hugh JackMeOff orgasms about Idina Menzel’s performance and then the camera cuts to Sting clapping like he’s squealing, “HERCULES! HERCULES!”, on the inside. Did an overexcited 5-year-old teach Sting how to clap or did the top coat on his nails not dry yet? All he’s missing are some cymbals and a little bell boy hat. It was the highlight show.

Dear Sting, more clapping, less singing songs from your musical.

Pics: Wenn.com

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