That guy in the Kings jersey in the back doesn’t want an autograph, he wants a picture to bring to his barber. That’s the look of a man who knows glorious hockey hair when he sees it.
Alanis Morissette was strolling through LAX earlier today with her off-brand Val Kilmer-looking husband Mario “Souleye” Treadway and I’m sure she thought all eyes were on her shimmering waist-length Morticia Addams at Lilith Fair hair, but she couldn’t hold a candle to her son Ever Morissette-Treadway’s dazzling golden baby mullet. I’m sorry Alanis, you tried, but you can’t compete for attention. Instead, you should feel honoured that you had the privilege of standing so close to such extraordinary beauty.
Little Ever is only three years old, and already he looks like he knows his way around a Friday night tailgate party. I bet he can shotgun a juice box like nobody’s business. He probably poops his pants and keeps on partying. When he starts to get tired, he slams a grape Pedialyte. “Ever don’t need no nap! Ever’s gotta rage, brother! Crank up the fuckin’ Skynrd! WEEEEEW!”
I know there are some people out there who think giving a kid a mullet is a form of child abuse, and I sincerely hope they see this picture of Ever. Staring at Ever’s bouncy 24-karat curls and bowl-cut bangs would make even the most hard-core hair-hater renounce their evil, dark-sided beliefs. It would be impossible for them to deny that the party in the back of Ever’s business looks like the sun-kissed wings of an angel.
Here’s more of Ever Morissette-Treadway and his impeccable Vandals-approved hair being escorted through LAX by his two less-enchanting parents: