Well, here’s some sad, tragic news for those of you who thought that the eternal love between the Nasonex bee and the Botox puppet formerly known as Tess McGill would last as long as the chemicals in her face (read: FOREVER). TMZ says that Melanie Griffith recently filed divorce papers to legally and officially make Antonio Banderas her third ex-husband. Let the river of Botoxed tears RUN!
According to TMZ, Melanie hired divorce attorney to the STAHS Laura Wasser (Side note: TMZ always calls Laura Wasser the “disso-queen” and I always read that as disco queen and I get a little tingle thinking of a divorce attorney arguing in front of a judge while wearing a velvet jumpsuit, gold platform heels and a fro). Melanie threw up the words “irreconcilable differences” next to “reason for quitting that bitch” on the documents. Melanie is asking for spousal support, child support and full custody of their almost 18-year-old daughter Stella. Melanie didn’t list their official break up date. Melanie has been married three times before (twice to Don Johnson) and Antonio was married to that hot bitch Madge was jealous of in Truth or Dare.
Melanie and Antonio got married in May 1996 after she left Don Johnson and he left his wife. Melanie birthed out their daughter a few months later. A couple of years ago, there was a rumor that Melanie and Antonio’s marriage was on its death bed because of her issues with pills and the sweet nectar and his issues with wanting to stick his chorizo in any chocha that didn’t belong to Melanie Griffith. At the time, Melanie and Antonio denied those rumors and here we are now.
A couple of weeks ago, a Spanish tabloid posted pictures of Antonio putting his lips near another trick at Cannes.
I’m guessing that Melanie blamed “irreconcilable differences” as the reason for her married dying like the nerves in her face, because “my husband is a slut and I’m sick of it” wasn’t an option. The L.A. County court system should really add that option.
We can all learn something from this. If you really want to tattoo your piece’s name into your flesh because you think your love is going to last forever, do it at your own risk. It usually ends with you and your wallet screaming in pain as you get laser tattoo removal. But luckily for Melanie, she can get a tattoo artist to easily turn that heart into a slice of pizza and turn “Antonio” into “Totino’s.” That would be a smart move, because the love between a human and frozen pizza never dies.
And here’s Melanie looking as happy and fresh as a wax Madame puppet while posing with Eva Longoria and Rosanna Arquette at AFI’s tribute to Jane Fonda in L.A. last night.
Pics: Wenn.com, Getty