What in the name of Scott Wormer is going on here? First Christina Ricci announces to Us Weekly she’s rented out her womb to a tiny doll-faced fetus, now Gaby Hoffmann has confirmed to People that she too is chauffeuring a baby around inside her body. Next thing you know, Thora Birch will be announcing in the diaper aisle of a San Gabriel CVS that she would consider having a baby, and also that she’s finished filling out her job application and she’s ready to meet with the manager. And sadly, we’ll never hear from Ashleigh Aston Moore, because she’s singing “Knock Three Times” with the angels now.
Gaby Hoffmann, the little girl from Field of Dreams, Uncle Buck, and Adam’s insane sister on Girls, will soon be a member of the stroller mafia. People says that Bagy (typo that stays because it’s what the picture above would want) showed up to the premiere of the film Obvious Child on Wednesday night showing off the kind of stomach that says “Get me a pickle and a pint of Cherry Garcia to dip it in.” No word on who the father is, so I’m going to guess either Michael Cera or the Magical Cactus.
No T no shade, Gaby reminds me of the kind of person Katy Perry would buy healing crystals from, so I look forward to several months from now when we’re treated to some truly Shailene Woodley-worthy birth stories. Forget eating the placenta, Gaby will wear the placenta like a hat as a symbol of her child’s brave journey from the womb, and then once it’s all dried up, she’ll proudly cut off her placenta-crusted hair and knit herself a drawstring pouch for her Diva Cup.