Before you start gathering your things in response to what sounds like first sign of the apocalypse, please be assured that, no, Pimp Mama Kris hasn’t sunk her claws into Leonardo DiCaprio by sending Khloe Kardashian over to his house in a pair of Victoria’s Secret angel wings and a rag soaked in ether. Page Six says that Leo decided to catch some hos at Frankie Delgado’s birthday party on Sunday with professional famous friend Lukas Haas. Upon arrival, he began scanning the crowd for skinny 20-year-old model ass like a bony butt-hunting T-1000, and noticed that the DJ was sometime Kardashian step-brother Brody Jenner. Next to Brody was his brother Brandon Jenner, as well as the flawless shimmering jewel in the Kardashian Krown, Bruce Jenner.
That’s when the fog of booze and coke cleared from Leo’s bloated horny lizard brain and he realized they were filming an episode of Keeping Up With Lucifer’s Low-Klass Trash. A source claims he and Lukas refused to enter the party for fear of being filmed for KUWTK and chose to wait outside until the filming was over. Wow, you know your shit stinks when it’s able to keep Leo away from the ladies.
Page Six also says Paris Hilton arrived at the party and pulled a 180 just like Leo because she didn’t want anything to do with KUWTK either. Although in defence of the KUWTK film crew, they probably wouldn’t have filmed her anyways, since they have enough footage of Z-list has-beens left over from Kim and Kanye’s wedding.
And I don’t think Leo left because he didn’t want his Academy Award-nominated face to appear in such low-level garbage as KUWTK. I think he was forced to make a quick exit after getting the dizzy, light-headed feeling that comes from gazing upon Bruce Jenner’s breathtaking beauty. It probably gave him flashbacks to the fish tank scene in Romeo + Juliet.