Cut to Fox Mulder frantically grabbing as many X-Files from his desk and screaming at Dana Scully: “No, not the toddler-faced one who dated Bieber, the coke addict from Camp Rock! She knows too much, Scully! If the government finds out a former Disney ho knows the truth, she’ll disappear to rehab, and this time she won’t come back!”
Seen here showing off her brand-new weave ripped straight from Grimace’s greasy taint, Demi Lovato appeared on Late Night with Seth Meyers on Wednesday and admitted that she has more in common with the guy who preaches his insane conspiracy theories from the men’s room at the bus station besides having ratty hair. When asked if she thinks aliens are real, Demi says:
“I know that they’re real. How self-centred would we be, as humans, to believe that we are the only living things in the Universe?”
She then went on to admit that she’s a huge fan of conspiracy theories, and explained to Seth the theory about mermaids. If you wanted to get high this afternoon, but you ran out of crack/meth/computer duster, find a soft spot on the floor to lie down and listen to what she says at the 0:35 mark:
I love Demi Lovato, because she sounds like all the dumb stoners I went to high school with who had a theory on everything after finding a copy of Fortean Times in the woods. Why is soda sold in an aluminum can? So Big Sugar can collect your fingerprints. Why is the McRib only available for a limited time? To take people’s attention away from the yearly meeting between Illuminati members and the underground Lizard People. Looking back, it’s pretty obvious that most of their conspiracy theories were the result of sitting with the munchies for too long in the drive-thru at McDonalds.