The Deaner Got A Tattoo Of Tori Spelling’s Wedding Vows

June 4, 2014 / Posted by:

If this picture of The Deaner showing off the greasy goods doesn’t make you crank up the “Sexy and I Know It” and grab a bottle of maple-scented lube, then you need to check your pulse, because you’re probably dead. I had to bust out a Shamwow to wipe away all the steam on my computer screen after viewing this TOO HOT picture of The Deaner and his beer locker. Dear Merriam-Webster, here’s your definition for DILF.

On Tuesday night’s reunion episode of True Tori, The Deaner proudly reminded us of his status as the most dedicated gold digger in the game by revealing that he’s added to his growing collection of Tori Spelling-themed tattoos by getting her wedding vows written on his ribcage. Even though Tori traded in her wedding vows a long time ago in exchange for the Attention Whore’s Creed, The Deaner claims it was important to have a permanent reminder of his commitment to Candy Spelling’s cash Tori:

“I’ve broken these vows. It’s a gesture of a new beginning and I will never break these vows again.”

Of course, Tori thought it was a beautiful gesture, since 3 years ago she got a tattoo of The Deaner’s vows on her ribcage (“Why does it sound like someone’s playing a xylophone?” – everyone in the tattoo shop that day). You know, I believe I have a copy of The Deaner’s vows right here:

“I, The Deaner, take you, Donna Martin, to keep it sleazy from this day forward, whether you know what’s crappenin’ or not, to try my best to hide all the times The Deaner’s peener goes looking for strange (raises hand to get a high-five from the priest), till the check clears on that sweet Spelling pay day do us part.”

Then he pulled out a cock ring, placed it on his own dick, and said “I now pronounce you the fuckin’ man, Deaner! Now who wants to get hammered drunk and hit on the bridesmaids with me?!?”

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