If you had told me back in February that getting arrested for slowly weaving his car around the 101 Freeway while high out of his mind on pills wasn’t going to be the most embarrassing thing Chris Kattan was going to do in 2014, I’d have never believed you. But cut to last night, when Christ Kattan shamefully pulled his hot pants and tiny sequinned beret from the back of his closet to attend the CFDA Awards dressed as his seductive stripper character from Saturday Night Live, Mango. No word on whether or not they played “Missing” when he arrived.
But Mango wasn’t there because they were just letting any old SNL character in (if that were the case, the CFDA’s would have been shut down by the health department for illegal levels of glamour after Sally O’Malley kick-stretch-kicked her way up the red carpet). He was invited to the CFDA’s because he’s the star of designer Alexander Wang latest fashion film.
This will be the second time he’s brought back a sketch comedy character; last year he made a short film starring MADtv’s Bon Qui Qui, which wasn’t the worst, so we’ll see what he does with Mango. But of all the SNL, Alexander Wang went with Mango? Really? Was Debbie Downer busy or something?
Here’s more of Chris Kattan clickety-clacking for that Alexander Wang paycheck dressed as Mango last night with his date (who I hope also doubled as his designated driver), as well as the rest of the hot-to-lukewarm fancy hoes in attendance. Beginning at the fuego end of the spectrum of hotness, we have Betsey Johnson, who was muy caliente with her insane American Horror Story witchy memaw look and her glued-on polyester hair. Next was Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, who brought fierce evil twin religious cult realness (which one’s evil? Why not both!). Then things start to cool off. Blake Lively came dressed as Barbie’s no-personality cousin who works in Vegas as a showgirl in an Ambien-sponsored revue. And Lupita Nyong’o, who usually brings the heat, looked like she came straight from the set of Star Wars 7.