If you watched the video of kindergarden ass cramp Justin Bieber gleefully telling a racist joke and your first thought was “I really wish someone would punch him in the face”, now is the time to cross your fingers and wish like you were blowing out the candles on a damn birthday cake, because TMZ says the crown prince of rage Chris Brown is back on the streets! And since it’s only a matter of time before he takes a swing at something, wouldn’t it be great if that something was an shitty entitled Canadian asshole?
Look, don’t get me wrong – if I had to choose, I think I’d rather Chris Brown not punch anything at all. But since Chris Brown is like an infected hemorrhoid that just keeps getting bigger and juicier, I won’t hold my breath. Especially since he’s being released from jail early. On May 9th, Chris Brown was sentenced to a year in the pokey for violating his parole after one of his fists went loco on a guy’s face in DC back in October 2013. However, the judge took pity on his ass and gave him credit for the 116 days he’d spent in rehab and the 59 days he spent behind bars, so he only had to play Orange Is The New Black for 131 days.
I guess the jail he was locked up in is run by the same easy-going art teacher who ran detention at my high school and let everyone go early so she could get high in her Subaru Outback, because around midnight last night, Chris Brown was released 23 days early. Why? No reason was given. But if I had to guess, it was probably because they were sick of looking at his ass.
If Chris Brown really wants to stay out of prison, the only way he should be leaving the house is Hannibal Lecter-style. But since he won’t, expect to see the headline “CHRIS BROWN ARRESTED FOR PUNCHING SOMEONE WHO LOOKED AT HIM THE WRONG WAY” in the next couple of days.