No, you’re not looking at an EXCLUSIVE teaser for Shrek 5: Natural Born Ogres. It’s Pimp Mama Kris’s finest ho from the OK Face-division of Kris’s DisKreet Kall Girls, Khloe Kardashian, and Shrek’s asshole brother from another ogre mother French Montana. You know how I know this picture isn’t a promo for Shrek 5? It’s missing an annoying ass (no, not Kim; I was referring to Donkey).
Ever since shooting wrapped on the star-studded pre-divorce episode of KUWTK, the Kardashain family of ghouls have been starved for attention, so Pimp Mama Kris got to work finding ways to keep her rotten krotch droppings in the news. Unfortunately no one cared about the illiterate model one’s Vogue shoot, or Marla Hooch’s Instagram bikini shot (“Damn it Satan, I specifically said LESS face!”).
So PMK called up her backup kash kow Khloe and told her cancel Shrek Montana’s 3pm mouth breathing so they could get together and take a truly stupid picture. And so, Slow-e Kardashian posted this ~artsy~ picture of her chugging champagne and Swaggy Shrek cradling a machine gun on the set of his music video for “They Don’t Love You No More” to Instagram, and I would love to hear the conversation between Pimp Mama Kris and Satan over this one.
Satan: I don’t know…it doesn’t feel right.
PMK: Why? What’s wrong? My hooker looks beautiful! Post it!
Satan: Don’t you think that it’s an inappropriate message? Especially after that horrific shooting spree two weeks ago?
PMK: I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was too busy selling off my finest rubber-faced whore to a wealthy rapper. Now post that picture, or I’ll see to it that The Sock One applies for your summer internship down here.
And in case you’ve forgotten what Khloe looks like without a gun pointed at her, here she is sashaying her Khloemeltoe through the airport on Saturday. My say something nice: it’s nice of Khloe to give her waist some time off.