The Elusive Public Transportation Rider Takes The Subway

May 30, 2014 / Posted by:

It’s been years, decades, centuries and eons since Mimi has taken the little train that takes the peasants to their cubicle jobs and I’m surprised she still knows what the subway is. I would’ve guessed that she completely forgot about the subway and she thought the white steam rising from the ground was from an underground smoke machine that was solely set up for her to have impromptu glamorous Instagram photo shoots in front of. (Note: You truly haven’t visited NYC until you’ve had a glamorous photo shoot in front of that nasty, subway steam.) Mimi only travels in an Escalade chariot with strawberry-scented Hello Kitty fur covering the seats. But since she’s got an album to sell, Mimi documented her ride on the 1 train to the Fresh Air Fund Gala in Chelsea last night.

While wearing the dress that your mom called “too skanky” when you two went shopping for prom dresses at Windsor Fashions in 1994, Mimi and her entourage got on the 1 train and she sat her Wuzzle ass on a seat that a homeless dude probably wiped his ass on hours earlier. Oh, the trials and tribulations of a diva trying to push copies of her album.

I don’t know if these pictures are real. I refuse to believe that Mimi will sit on a seat that isn’t wrapped in cashmere and hasn’t been stuffed with swan feathers. Mimi’s on-call Photoshop artist probably whipped up these pictures last night. Mimi tried to take the subway, but as soon as she got down there and realized that the train didn’t have a bar car or a primping car, she snapped her fingers and her minions carried her back up to safe land.

Pics: Instagram, Splash, Wenn.com

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