Lea Michele, the Peanut M&M to Anne Hathaway’s Plain, admitted to the Queen B of future acute liver failure Chelsea Handler Thursday night that she’s been sipping on the good stuff since she was in diapers. Chelsea Handler, who currently wears diapers to prevent making a mess on the couch when she inevitably blacks out and pisses herself, must have given her a “so what?” face.
“I’m Italian, so at the dinner table it would be like Pellegrino, a jug of soda and a huge thing of wine. Everyone was just drinking wine, like it was part of what you would have along with your dinner. Growing up, I’d be having dinner with my boyfriend and his parents and I’d be like, ‘Where’s the wine? Pass the wine.’ At like 17! And they’re like, ‘This girl’s crazy.'”
But before you start imagining a wine-wasted Lea drunkenly crawling onto the dinner table and slurring out Rose’s Turn from Gypsy in front of her boyfriend’s parents, she says it wasn’t like that.
“When they make it so you can have it, then you don’t want it. It’s when they’re like, ‘You can’t have this,’ kids are like, ‘We gotta get that booze.'”
She’s right though; when booze is locked away in secret, it makes it seem so delicious. When I was a kid, there was a giant bottle of delicous-looking potato vodka in the basement that always seemed to be calling my name. When I finally got up the courage to sneak it into the crawlspace, I was horrified that it smelled like rubbing alcohol and compost. I didn’t end up drinking any, but not because it smelled gross; there were too many Barbie dolls in the crawlspace judging me with their disapproving eyes.
And I think it was maybe a good idea for Lea’s parents to treat booze as not being a big deal. I mean, a sober Lea Michele is next-level annoying as it is, so I don’t want to imagine what we’d get after she sneak-slammed a quart of the hard shit.