Those of you who have your pitchforks out in front of America’s bravest war hero Goopy Paltrow’s house for saying that reading mean comments about her on the Internet is like being a war, there’s been a change of plans. Type “from Goopy’s house to Charlize’s house” into your GPS and take your pitchforks to Charlize Theron’s house!
During an interview for A Million Ways To Die In The West with Sky News, the interviewer kind of set Charlize up when he said that he Googled her name before their interview and most of the stories that came up were about her personal life and not about her career. The interviewer said that the headlines felt “intrusive” to him. Charlize took the bait and ran with it and said that reading gossip about herself makes her feel like she’s been raped. Oh, Charlize, you gorgeous brain dead dumb fuck, take it away:
“I don’t [Google myself], so that’s my saving grace. I think it’s when you start living in that world and doing that, that you start, I guess, feeling raped. Well, you know, when it comes to your son and your private life, maybe that’s just me. Some people might relish in all of that stuff, but there are certain things in my life that I think of as very sacred and I’m very protective over them. That doesn’t mean that I always win that war, but as long as I don’t have to see that stuff or read that stuff or hear that stuff, then I can live with my head in a clear space. It’s probably a lot healthier than living in that little dark room.”
And she also compared gossip to WAR. BURN HER AT THE STAKE!
Publicists should really tell their clients that to be safe, if they’ve never been raped, they shouldn’t compare their stuff to being raped. If they’ve never been in the holocaust, they shouldn’t compare their stuff to the holocaust. If they’ve never been in a war, they shouldn’t compare their stuff to being in a war. It’s easy. We all would’ve said, “aaaah, that makes sense,” if Charlize said that reading gossip about herself online is a lot like boning Sean Penn while sober during the daylight hours. It makes you feel sad and gross inside.
Here’s Charlize, her son and the Sean Penn (working the hobo Alfalfa look) at LAX last night.