Last night, as God was taking Lassie and the dog from Frasier for a walk, he looked around at the basic bitches in Heaven and sighed “What this place needs is a beautiful blond bandana angel”, and decided to call Bret Michaels home. E! says that Bret Michaels was performing a concert in Manchester, NH with his band on Thursday night when three songs into his set, he abruptly rushed off stage. Bret, who has suffered from type 1 diabetes since childhood, eventually returned, but only to inform everyone he wasn’t able to continue and that they should come collect their panties from the stage and go home.
Bret’s guitarist Pete Evick explained to fans on Bret’s Facebook page that a crew member had informed him that Bret’s blood sugar was super low and was taken to the tour bus to be evaluated by paramedics. No word on how Bret is doing today, but a Facebook message was posted late last night that said:
Sending a huge shout out to all the paramedics both on and off duty who have assisted Bret tonight. No words can thank you enough for your help - Team Bret
This isn’t the first time God has selfishly tried to snatch Bret Michaels and his golden polyester tracks away from us down here on Earth. Back in 2009, a piece of the set at the Tony Awards fell on his face. Then in 2010, he suffered a brain hemorrhage that laid him up in the hospital for a couple of weeks. Not too long after that he suffered a tiny stroke. And now God is fucking with his diabeetus? Leave Bret alone! If you want a sun-kissed hair metal herpes angel so badly, go see what the blond dude from Cinderella is up to. Bret still has a lot of living to do; we only got three seasons of Rock of Love!