Well, This Is Random: Chris Evans And Sandra Bullock Are Kind Of Sort Of Dating

May 29, 2014 / Posted by:

Seen above throwing a “Yes, bitch, this hot howling otter will be mine in a couple of years” side-eye at the Vanity Fair Oscar party in 2012, Sandra Bullock is doing her part for her country by getting on Captain America’s peen. I wonder if the fact that Captain America knows that Sandra sexed a Nazi wants makes things awkward.

E! News is saying that Sandra and Chris Evans are not totally a thing, but they’re hanging out and taking it slow. In other words, they’re bumping wet parts, but nobody’s leaving their Sonicare at each other’s house. Some source said that Sandra and Chris had dinner with her friend Chelsea Handler last month and had dinner again with Chelsea Handler sometime this month. I see Chelsea Hander trying to get them drunk enough to agree to a threesome with her ass. The source said this:

“They are not in a relationship, but they are definitely hanging out and are in the early getting-to-know-each-other phase. They haven’t put a title on it, but they really like each other.”

E! also points out that Chris has made it clear many times that he’s got a major boner for Sandra. A couple of years ago, Chris told Playboy that he fell in love with Sandra when he saw Speed in the 7th grade and he told Details that he had a big poster of her in his bedroom. So I’m guessing that in his house, Chris Evans has got a room that’s covered with pictures of Sandra Bullock and in the middle of that room is a glass case that’s got a piece of her hair in it. He sniffs it and rubs it against his cheek every now and again. I guess that’s romantic.

But seriously, a turd bubble would be a step up from Vanilla Gorilla (born name: Jesse James), so Chris Evans is a billion steps up. First Ryan Gosling and now Chris Evans. I didn’t think I’d ever type these words ever: I’m jealous of Sandra Bullock’s vagine.

Pic: Getty

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