St. Angie Brought A Greasy Adult Film Director As Her Date To The Maleficent Premiere

May 29, 2014 / Posted by:

The premiere of Disney’s Maleficent (aka Disney’s Cheekbones!) was held in LA last night and St. Angie took a night off from reading passages of The Bible to blind angels in Heaven to grace the red blue carpet with her presence. St. Angie truly is the People’s Saint. She could have had her pick from the finest, most exquisite of gowns fit for European aristocracy and nobility, and instead she chooses to show compassion for the destitute have-nots of the world by wearing a humble trash bag. “All I did was turn water into wine. Teach me, St. Angie” – Jesus.

And just like Jesus, her crusade for social justice didn’t end with her trash bag dress. Again, she could have put Brad Pitt in an expensive suit and tie and told him to put down the Funyuns and shave, but instead she showed her unconditional love for the outcasts of society by making him dress up as a sleazy amateur porn filmmaker from the San Fernando Valley. Excellent job, Angie, you can practically smell the Acqua Di Gio and Astroglide from here. This wasn’t the original idea, however; she wanted to do Brad up as a leper, but they ran out of makeup after trying to cover up Angie’s forehead vein.

Here’s more of St. Angie and Brad and the premiere of the #1 movie in Heaven. Sadly, only one member of the child army was able to make it, and that was Maddox. I know this isn’t the first time we’ve seen grown-up baby Maddox in a suit, but it still makes me feel like I need to buy a walker and put tennis balls on the feet.

Pics: Splash, Wenn

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