And the SHOCKING TWIST is that it wasn’t Chelsea Handler during another one of her drunken, vodka-fueled rages.
Vitalii Sediuk is that 25-year-old Ukrainian “comedian” and “prankster” (see: terror of Hollywood and overall asshole mess) who’s known for pulling all sorts of acts of fuckery like trying to suck Will Smith’s face on the red carpet, crawling up Ugly Betty’s dress at Cannes, giving Bradley Cooper a dry blow job, grabbing Leonardo DiCatchAHo’s down low parts, giving everyone a Ukrainian pube show at the Met Gala and crashing the stage at the Grammys during Adele’s speech. Well, for his latest STUNT QUEEN stunt, Vitalii jumped over a barrier at the Maleficent premiere in Hollywood last night and reportedly punched the patriarch of America’s most important holy family right in the face.
Just Jared says that Brad let the spirit of Tyler Durden take over his body and he punched that bitch back. Brad’s security and the police jumped on Vitalii and he was arrested and charged with battery. He’s currently being held on $20,000 bail. It’s a good thing that Brad Pitt sucked down all those joints in the car, because his face was probably so numb that he didn’t feel a thing. He shook it off and kept signing autographs and posing with St. Angie Jolie and her gown made by Hefty.
RIP Vitalii Sediuk. Because he fucked with the wrong bitches this time. Sometime today, St. Angie’s minions will ask the LAPD to hand that motherfucker over to them. Then they’ll throw Vitalii in the child army’s playroom before saying, “May God be with you,” and locking the door. After about 2 hours of suffering through the child army’s screeches, SpongeBob blasting in the background and the Chosen Ones throwing Cheetos at him, he’ll scream for mercy and ask for a quick death. Then St. Angie will appear in a cloud of green smoke and say, “Death is too good for you, carry on, my children!” Bitch is done.