When TIME Magazine put a sullen malnourished afghan hound on the cover of their 100 Most Influential People, it was very clear they had scraped the bottom of the basic barrel and were in desperate need of some BIC glamour. So it was a unanimous decision that they give this week’s cover to the hottest bitch on Orange Is The New Black. Sadly, the eyeliner teardrop on Flaca’s face was unavailable, so they went with their second choice, Laverne Cox.
Laverne landed her own cover just weeks after the people of the internet hit send on thousands of emails demanding an explanation FOR WHY Laverne was so rudely excluded from TIME’s Influential issue, despite being the #5 pick in an online poll of this year’s most influential people. Nobody from TIME really said much, except for today, when a spokesperson for TIME told BuzzFeed that Laverne’s cover story had been in the works for months. And I can see why they’d want to keep this all very hush-hush; this week’s issue of TIME Magazine is a groundbreaking one. For the first time in history, someone has managed to wear a Hervé Léger bandage dress without looking like a day-shift hooker from Reno. NO! It’s because Laverne Cox is the first transgender person to ever grace the cover of TIME Magazine. I also believe she’s the first person to serve so much damn FACE as well (sorry Tommy Girl, sashay away).
The only thing I don’t understand is why they made her pose as if someone caught her on her way to the bathroom. Do they not give pee-pee breaks on a TIME Magazine shoot? Regardless, aside from giving me shades of a Detrol commercial, it’s impossible for her not to look hot. TIME could have denied her a pee-pee break AND put her in a pair of maxi-pad shower shoes, and Beyoncé would still be leaving angry voicemails demanding a re-shoot and the name of Laverne’s wig person.