There’s a reason this picture is blurry: the photographer didn’t want to be around when Chris Hansen and the To Catch a Predator crew popped out from behind Justin Bieber and asked Adriana Lima to take a seat. I don’t blame them; I already feel like my name has been added to a list for just writing the words “Adriana Lima hooked up with Justin Bieber”.
Adriana Lima has been divorced from her tiny-faced ex-husband for all of 0.2 seconds and already she’s managed to hunt down and hook up with the most embarrassing rebound in the history of rebounds. According to Us Weekly, Adriana Lima and My Buddy’s shitty spoiled cousin from Canada attended the same 1 Oak party in Cannes. A source says that 20-year-old Justin spotted 32-year-old Adriana and “pursued her hard” (ew), talking non-stop at the party and eventually going home together around 5am. Adriana then carried a tuckered-out Lil’ Justin upstairs, changed him into a clean set of Spider-Man PJs and a fresh diaper, read Goodnight Moon till he fell asleep, then turned on his Ocean Wonders Aquarium and called a cab.
Or maybe they did have sex. In which case, Justin has now allegedly humped on two Victoria’s Secret Angels, the first being toddler-faced model Miranda Kerr. Not to mention it was rumoured he had also tried to rub his wispy little dirt-stache on VS model Barbara Palvin. So in theory, it’s technically three. It’s like Justin Bieber is becoming the Scrappy-Doo to Leonardo DiCaprio’s Scooby-Doo (you know, if Scooby-Doo was a bloated rich dude who spends his free time banging underwear models).