SKANDAL: A German Tabloid Published A Picture Of Duchess Kate’s Bare Royal Nalgas

The only German I know I learned from that scene in European Vacation where the German girl shows Rusty her tits, but I’m pretty sure “für dieses” means “DAT AZZ” in English.

During Duchess Kate and Prince William’s government-paid vacation through New Zealand and Australia, a photographer caught a glimpse of her ass cheeks as the wind lifted up her dress while she walked to a helicopter in Sydney. I’m blaming it on the wind, but maybe she just let out an extra strong royal ass queef? Anyway, the German tabloid Bild published the picture of Duchess Kate’s unbuttered crumpets this morning next to pictures of Khloezilla’s Sasquatch butt and Kim Kartrashian’s butt looking like an extra large diaper full of soil jelly. The British media (read: basically just The Daily Mail) is outraged! The Daily Mail called Bild’s headlines “tasteless,” which is like me calling the trick next to me at the glory hole a cheap, desperate slut whore as I suck off a random semi-flaccid peen. The Daily Mail thinks it’s a breach of privacy:

A German newspaper has risked a royal upset by publishing a photograph of the Duchess of Cambridge’s bare bottom.

The picture was taken during Kate’s recent tour of Australia when a gust of wind briefly caught her dress – and her flimsy underwear did not offer much protection.

Now tabloid newspaper Bild am Sonntag has published the image beneath a series of tasteless headlines.

It ran the photograph alongside pictures of US reality television star Kim Kardashian and her sister Khloe, famed for their shapely bottoms, with the caption: ‘Khloe, Kim and Kate – backsides which have moved us these past few days.’ The breach of privacy comes less than two years after the Duke and Duchess launched legal action against a French magazine that printed topless photographs of Kate on holiday.

As the wind from the helicopter’s rotor blades lifted Kate’s £295 Diane Von Furstenberg wrap dress, an opportunistic photographer captured the moment and touted it around international newspapers. It was reportedly sold to the ‘highest bidder’ after British papers refused to print it. First published in the Bild’s Sunday paper, it also appeared on its website, accompanied by crude captions. Beside the offending picture were the words: ‘Thank the wind for the insight into the royal household.

The drama of it all! It’s just ass cheeks.

The Daily Mail is a mess, because you know they’d post a picture of Peter Andre’s prostate if they got a picture of Peter Andre’s prostate. It’s not like the pictures are of Duchess Kate washing her ass in her own shower and it’s not like Bild got the pictures from a hidden camera that a handyman they paid off installed in Prince William’s shaving mirror. Duchess Kate’s ass cheeks were out in the open.

But you know, maybe the Daily Mail isn’t being that dramatic, because I’m sure THE QUEEN is going to beat a bitch for this. The only person allowed to see Duchess Kate’s ass is THE QUEEN and she only saw it that one time when she examined Kate’s body to make sure Kate was birthing body ready before she could approve Prince William’s engagement. Not even Prince William has seen Duchess Kate’s ass. They only do it missionary-style. THE QUEEN is going to put a brick in her pocketbook and hit Kate’s stylist in the mouth. Then she’s going to use that stylist’s knocked-out teeth, along with some coins, to weigh down Kate’s dresses so this never happens again! Then THE QUEEN will destroy everyone and everything involved including Germany and the wind in Australia.

If your innocent eyes can take it, click to see Duchess Kate’s scandalous bare ass cheeks.