Ugh, you know you’re a an asshole when you’re able to make pizza look bad. Seriously, how is that even possible? I’m a dickmatized-by-Domino’s low-standards pizza slut, and even I want nothing to do with this group of hipster pizza wankers. And according to NME, I’m not alone. On Sunday night, Macaulay Culkin and his band The Pizza Underground (which is a pizza-themed Velvet Underground cover band, so I’m guessing that falls under the ‘Trust Fund’ genre of music) were performing at the Dot to Dot festival in Nottingham, England. After just one song, the crowd started booing, and since this happened in Nottingham, England, I’d like to imagine they all sounded like the old woman from The Princess Bride.
But they didn’t only boo at Macaulay Culkin’s Rock-afire Rip-off. They also threw beer. Typical! Just when you think you found a wholesome group of boo-having haters, they end up crushing your heart into a million pieces by wasting precious beer. After being pelted with pints of beer, Macaulay told the crowd: “Why are you throwing those? I’d rather drink them!” But I guess booze is like coke in the UK, where it flows from the taps, because they kept throwing beer. 3 songs and 15 minutes later, The Pizza Underground called it a day and stormed off stage.
I don’t care how insufferably hipstery The Pizza Underground is, and believe me it is, but something about hating on pizza feels wrong. It’s not pizza’s fault it got dragged into this mess. Plus, to waste beer like that is a damn shame, and I don’t even like beer; but I like getting drunk, and anything that can get you next-level drunk and forget about your troubles should be cherished, not whipped at Thomas J. from My Girl.