As Kim Kardashian And Kanye West Kiss As Husband And Wife For The First Time, The Gates Of Hell Open Wide

May 27, 2014 / Posted by:

If you squint real hard, you can almost make out the outline of a swarm of locusts flying toward the Gates of Hell.

Because Pimp Mama Kris and her family of hos know that they have E! to thank for helping to make them the biggest fame whores on the planet, she gave them these first pictures of her trophy ho Kim Kartrashian trying to beat Elizabeth Taylor’s divorce record by marrying her future third ex-husband Kanye West in front of a giant, gaping pussy slit in Florence. I know, it was nice of Kim to pay tribute to the sex tape that started it all. That’s supposed to be a wall of flowers, but it looks like a nasty wall of furry maggots, barnacles, anal wart pus, moldy cauliflower and foam from a rabid beast (Khloe). It’s fitting!

Kim wore an ugly kustom-made lobster bib dress designed by Kanye’s Italian spooning partner Riccardo Tisci and Kanye wore a Kanye butt plug under his Givenchy tuxedo. That dress look like the homely, dumpy stepsister of Duchess Kate’s dress and Kanye’s only smiling because his Kanye butt plug shifted while he was sashaying down the aisle and hit the right the spot. Or the photographer’s assistant knew how to get a smile out of him and held up a mirror real quick.

But the true stars of these pictures are Bruce Jenner and North West.

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Bruce is making a queef face, because he knows he can work that dress way better than Kim did. And as always, North West is wondering to herself, “Harpo, who deez people?

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